Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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