Do you still have your period?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
