Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
God I need to hump something, right now.
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