Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
