My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
