I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
