Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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