She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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