the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
