we're chasing vodka with high fives
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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