If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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