Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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