This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
