On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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