This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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