Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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