Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
