i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
