so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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