It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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