I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she told me i tasted like america
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
