STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You did what with his pubic hair?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
