You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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