I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
