its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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