Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
