Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
