she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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