I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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