I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
