my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
