I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
