ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
