Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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