He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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