I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Boobs are out for the taking
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
