Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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