Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
