i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
