so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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