Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish I only lived at night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
