I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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