Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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