Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
