his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
