Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
