We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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