worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
