Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
