You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
