just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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