Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
