I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
