We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize