Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
