i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
