My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
