I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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