y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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