U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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