I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
