She's JV to your varsity
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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