One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
