Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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