Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize