he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
