a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
