woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
