I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
