***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
