I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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