Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
