im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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