You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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