Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
