so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
