Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
