Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
