Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
smell my finger.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
