TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
