Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was confusing and full of hummus
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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