I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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