porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
