ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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