he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Found the puke drawer
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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