It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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