I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
