you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
