Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize