So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
