Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
