Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
