good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
