Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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