I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
